in a busy world with tons of places to go and crowds to gather with, there are at least three environments that I feel more familiar and comfortable just by the nature of the place. Even if there is little direct interaction, most humans like being near like-minded people.

My three places are all easy to find in any city, (more…)

Every once in a while, I will be in bed when I am not totally in need of sleep, and yet not totally awake. These often fall on lazy days, when the sun is up and I don’t have much better to do.

Today, I had one of those days and I dreamed up a suspense movie.

From what I recall, it didn’t stray too far from a typical crime drama with some sci-fi elements intertwined because standard dimensions and reality are just boring.

I can still remember a few solid scenes from my brain movie, nearing the end.
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Act 4:
A spectator witnessing the murder of a pretty blonde. The mastermind criminal at this point is not known to them but this spectator is hiding in quiet and is waiting for the room to clear to discover the evil man’s identity. He is looking through a lensed device of some sorts and doesn’t dare look away. He is frantically trying to signal someone else in silent, using morse code and waving a little napkin. But nobody responds and suddenly things turn bleak. He spots the mastermind, and the mastermind spots him. Bam. He gets him in the eye with a silenced pistol, right through the telescope thing. All that surveillance for naught. Nobody even notices until he is dead for minutes.

Act 5:
Another scene involved a crowded room which was full of panic and fear. The evil guy was in the room, but the good guys couldn’t identify him. They just knew he was there. The main noble investigator was suddenly in the sights of the evil guy. Evil man pulls his gun for the sure kill, when out of nowhere, this crazy blade flies at him, landing in his eye socket, because that’s just the best place for blades to go. This scene is replayed and around the corner is someone who resembles this very same noble investigator. He has a bit more facial hair than the original investigator and he has these heat detecting goggles on. He sees the evil man, who is actually in a wheel chair behind a group of innocents. He pulls out some jumbo sized oblong throwing star thing and arcs it in the air like a boomerang. It hooks around and lands in the evil man’s eye. He looks over to the noble investigator and they exchange a little moment. They are the same person, and the rescuer is from the future. He tips his hat to himself and the other nods. Credits roll.
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Is noble future man gracious or selfserving? The good guy killed the bad guy, perhaps this is a very uneventful typical ending. But I like the idea of future self helping past self. It is the flip-side of the everyday idea of longterm thinking, current self helping future self. But I like reversing it, and many times I contemplate how future self would help me right now. What words of wisdom would widen our will to wictory? (sorry, i was on a woll) ((We just referred to ourself in the plural, we wants it, we needs it, we must have the …))

I also love my ending because there was no mention of time travel up to that point, and I think audiences would HATE that. Like, violently throwing food at the screen. Can you imagine a movie wrapping up with something totally outside the bounds of what you thought the movie was? haha, i just laugh I think I, the screenwriter, would be the true villain. Then, I would watch the movie in a crowded theatre with family and friends. As the plot concludes, I would stand up, and tip my hat to myself for such a dastardly maneuver.

To tip a hat can be both good or bad. I think that’s the moral of the story. I’m going to start wearing more hats.

As per my outlined five greetings below, the real question on my mind, is how do you go from Oh come here! to Oh you… from *hugs* to *shun*

Aside: I did a bit of this self asking question thing I don’t like that much, but it fit into some of my points so it grew into a literary device theme. When I read this again in a few months I will probably hate it and delete them all.

1. Date and dump. This is a pretty easy way to hurt their feelings, turn friends into enemies. I haven’t really done this ever. Hooray? … yes!

2. Roadblock. Sometimes when you’re talking about something significant to one or both of you, a disagreeance or opinionated comment can really put up a roadblock. If you offend someone, or totally reject them based on a major principle, then it is extremely rare to continue to grow unless one or both parties is very gracious and flexible. Black Eyed Peas make the most atrocious music, if you are inspired by I gotta feeling, you need some grammar lessons, and I hope you don’t insert random reverent hebrew sayings in the middle of a party — or shout out DRANK and the days of the week. Take it off?… NO! (did i offend you? if so, it was intentional)
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The number of people we come across can grow to be large. In social situations, sometimes nothing becomes of it. It fizzles, it ends, it doesn’t have to be someone’s fault. Maybe you don’t find the same things funny, or you don’t understand their perspective; perhaps there are different shared interests. Sometimes you develop a good relationship with repeated communication, good times. And then you have those people where you can be totally unguarded. I’m going to categorize these by how one might initially greet them.

1. Oh, you… – There are times where I just feel unliked, or like a different species. I worry that I’m a hindrance or getting in the way — cramping their style. My presence is unwanted, and perhaps theirs is unwanted for me. Much of the time, these are petty things, being small minded, or judgmental. However, nobody says you have to befriend everyone, sometimes that initial butting of heads is something you don’t really want to put effort to overcome so that is that. Perhaps you put up with each other and form a working relationship if it is absolutely necessary, but rarely will anyone do more than the minimum.

2. Oh, hi – For me, I can usually grab a high percentage of people, and make something of it. Perhaps it isn’t much, but talking here and there even if it is uncomfortable or different. It sometimes can be interesting to hear about the differences, or topics totally unrelated. Maybe I’d like to know why Nascar is interesting to so many people. We might not be the best of friends, but if I feel like it, I probably can form some sort of friendliness if they have some warmth or openness (and I feel like it at that time). These “relationships” can easily be a one time deal, or just left to develop and reoccur based on circumstance and coincidence. I don’t think I’d call these people friends, or even acquaintances, just people you’ve met or run into occasionally.
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Is it best to be self improving or self accepting?

Behaviorally, should I think…
a) i want to improve, i need to be less angry.
b) it’s just how it is, i get angry if something sets me off.

Habitually-
a) i want to improve, i need to be more tidy.
b) it’s just how it is, i put things where i feel like.

Abilit-ally
a) i want to improve, i need to be better at chopping tomatoes.
b) i just chop tomatoes how i chop them. if it is not good enough, chop your own tomatoes.

Grammatically
a) I should capitalize I.
b) i shouldn’t

I really think it is case by case basis. But for the large things, treating people, career skills, major habits, I tend to be more of an improver than accepter. Especially when I consider something bad, or wrong. I think that’s the difference, screaming at a waiter for mixing up an order , to me is wrong, but to someone else they think it is deserved. IMO Just because there is reasoning to be low, doesn’t mean being low is a “good” option. Low can encompass morals, behavior, habits, and … grammar. I think we should strive for a higher standard in all of aspects … provided the output of effort has value.

I think the most common relationships are like shoeboxes. They best work when each person puts in a shoe of similar size and weight. Also, both shoes should fit in the box. Personally I have lots of shoeboxes and it works out pretty well by recognizing that.

Things change though when you decide to move a refrigerator. Maybe you start putting your condiments in there, a jar of pickles, tub of yogurt. If one person dominates all the tall items section like with milk, ketchup, juice cartons, it could crowd the other out, or it could be perfectly fine. Depending on the capacity of space, and nature of people. Again, just having the door close keeps the relationship happy.

You can move to the closet where jackets can go, maybe some space for some baggage, or odd things like a skeleton, or pet cougar.

Eventually, maybe with the special person, you just share a house, and all your crap goes in there and it all fits and this game is just over.

However, it breaks down when you have to go backwards. If you have already put a few items in the fridge, where do they go in the shoe box. Do you not put shoes in there any more? What happens to the big jug of milk? Its going to go bad, and its gross.

I think the only way to go backwards is if everything in the fridge got eaten and you dont need it anymore. Perhaps there are other boxes to store your luggage. Cause otherwise leaving stuff outside the box, I’d say is worse than having no box in the first place.

Soapbox time. (Also in russian).

Just like any identity-searching twenty-something mind-wanderer, I’ve thought a lot of about the type of person I am. I try to be good, not with perfection, but direction. We all mess up, but when it happens, or before it happens, turning away from that, is what I define as good-by-direction.

But is being good who I am? or who I’m not? For my experiences? or lack of experiences? The choices I made? or the choices I didn’t?
The color blue is blue because it has no red or green. Or in the words of Mr. West – Everything I’m not, made me everything I am.

Being kind, good, sweet, honorable, really can be boiled down into doing the right thing, the altrusitic thing. This is a model of life I’ve grown up within, and as someone recently told me, she thinks my brother and I are дети любви = ‘kids of love’.
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Anchor in
`drifting glacier.
Chains are
`crispy rings.
Fried around
`green seaweed.
Connected to
`steering wheel.
Around my
`frail ankles
Standing on
`surf board.
Riding out
`sine waves.
Drifting till
`ice melts
Hoping for
`solid land.

A bit of theology time, personal thoughts, i’m not sure how sound they are, add comments, clean up my analogy, go nuts.

Some say God made Satan, God allows sin. Or that if He did, he can’t be good and therefore he doesn’t exist

Well, he made or allows a negative option, otherwise there is no positive option and there is no such thing as good.

In Mario, there are goombas that try to death-touch you, and holes that you can fall into. Was the game designed so that you fall into these traps? Or was it designed for you to use abilities and skills to overcome challenges and reach the finish? .. I’ll fill you in with insider game dev knowledge — it’s the latter. If it were the former, you wouldn’t have the jump button.

If there weren’t these traps, what would the point of the game be? Do you demonstrate anything if you run on a flat enemy-free hole-less surface to victory? Can you even call that victory? I don’t even want to play that game.

God gives us the ability to jump and dodge evil, the mushrooms to survive mistakes, the fireballs to combat them head on. (The coins for eternal life? pipes to other realms?) So in order for these things to be used, in order for us to rely on God, there has to be sin in the way. What will fireballs do if there’s nothing to shoot? How do you do good if there is no bad? Running across an empty flat level is not good or bad, its just nothing.

So yes there are holes, but if we, or others fall in, that’s not God’s fault. We are given more than enough chances to accept his help, in the past, and in the present and in the future. And we can always jump out of the hole, or try again, God forgives with extra lives (i wont get into unpardonablism) so the game is never over until you die. If you try to do it alone, without jump power, guess what, you are doomed. I don’t care how well you can run back and forth, you won’t get over any holes without God. Try it, boot up Mario 1-1 and start walking to the right, or the left. or watch me try.

This is a strange place in life

After watching an incredibly artistic, interesting, miserable movie; I went to the grocery store, late on a saturday night. It was very dead, in fact everything seemed like a scene out of 28 days later, or I Am Legend where the city is empty. I don’t know why, but I loved those scenes immensely. Last night I walked home at 5:30-6am and it definitely was an experience, why did I enjoy it, or did I enjoy it? I didn’t have joy from it. But back to today, I stood in the street, not listening to music and it just felt very something, or very nothing…

On my road,
– down the center,
– - as I often walk.

‘Tis quite cold,
– but not too cold
– - I have two jackets.

Bags in hand,
- infront of me I view,
- – a dark dim street.

The trees arc,
- faint lights shimmer,
- – calm wind blows.

No cars drive by,
- no passerbys.
- – No sound or motions.
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