I’m not really in a place to be lengthy in writing.
Hmm. Perhaps I’ve decided I’ve said everything I can about life, or opinions except for little things that are of small consequences. I could word things elegantly as an art form, but there is little to inspire.

Christmas music comes around once a year. Once a year I need that medicine. Perhaps twice.

Having things in order, automated, easy, is the goal of many. But with that goal reached, and free time increased, then you have nowhere to hide from yourself.

I like pineapples, the word and the fruit, but I ate 10% of it and let the rest grow mold. I’m not sure why I don’t open my fridge and go ‘hmm…. pineapple!’. When I do go ‘hmm…’ , it is usually for a sobe pina colada, which, oddly enough has some pineapple flavor.

I jumped on board some jpop(link) /kpop(link)a few months ago and I’ve really not stopped. Embedded is some favorite korean content. Despite being miss certified superfine, Dambi’s appearance only the second reason I like this video. The first: it is quite pleasant and soothing. The third: it’s sad/romantic. The second: she’s very pretty. Oh, ya, I said that.

Son Dambi’s Invisible Person … good title.

I’ve admired some successful people who are absolutely focused on one goal and are at the top of their field. They push through trials and make many sacrifices to get to where they are, combined with raw natural ability.

But do I admire these people now? Umm, not necessarily. Maybe all those sacrifices were bad sacrifices. Is it better to be the number one physicist in the world and divorced, or number eight, with a happy wife?

Is it better to be the king of pop, or the duchess of dutch youtube covers?
Do you really want to be good at one thing and only one thing? Or maybe masterful in two, three four things as in the case of Michael and straight up twisted in so many other things.

Then there are the people who devote themself fully, and come up short. These are the majority but you don’t hear about them. How many people worked just as hard as michael jordan but never even played in a televised basketball game. Tons. They invested so much and could have made even bigger sacrifices, all for what?

There is the tragedy of being a circle also. I’ve tried to become more versatile, learning skills that I’m not normally good at. Drawing for one, and driving for another. Sometimes these versatilities prove to be useful, or expand my horizons. However if I spent an equal amount of time drawing as driving as programming, then I don’t think i’d be good enough to make a living at any of them. Also, if I am in the mix of a large group of people, all the master at a few things, and I can adequately perform the same tasks at a lower rate. Am I important? If something had to be done, then the master would be the best to do it. In baseball, the utility players are often what you describe the bench players since the starters all have a mastered role.

Being average at everything also makes you pretty boring I think. Nobody is enthused by someone with twenty passions. University degrees sometimes try to encourage well-roundedness. But when all is said and done, a single degree has a single subject and single focus. Gone are the days where generalists can tend the farm, build a shack, herd some goats and charm the damsels. Now we value specialists, but when they go too far, who is there to catch them? Do we even care that they fall? How many of us just look for those opportunities to become even better in that one category and who are we to assume we can navigate the narrowing cliff side without disaster?

For others spikes or amoebas might be perfect for them, or lead them to ruin. I try to be a raindrop although …
if (currenttime-time < lately) { setmode(spike); }.
Ya, I went there. Point proved.

An analogy:

Fear is a bad wind. The wind can blow, push you in a direction. Those winds can pick up, and leaves and garbage can be flung at you. If it gets fierce, you could be thrown yourself, or get dragged out to sea, consumed in all directions by a storm. Perhaps it is a tornado that throws you up in the air with the cows and tears your house apart.

So how do you handle fear? Hold on to something tight that is firm and true. Surround yourself with concrete walls or dig yourself an underground bunker. For the strong and wise, fear can have no pushing effect. Just hold on tight. Don’t go sailing into the ocean if you can’t handle fears that come. And they will come.

When someone is described, or describes them self as a Christian, after learning more about them, I find they fit in one of three categories:
*1* Those who are Christians to be more effective and justified wrongdoers
*2* Those who are Christians and wrongdoers, trying to balance the two, publicly or privately
*3* Those who are Christians trying to be like Christ, rightdoer.
and for completion sake:
*4* Those who are Christ, and perfect.

I find it hard to use the term because the world HATES the first two, so much so that often people assume more wrong comes from Christians than someone with “no belief system”. #1 is obvious, examples being “missionaries” who committed genocide, #2 has many examples of those who love with their left hand, hate with their right, hypocrite and Christian are two oft related words sadly. Most are never exposed, but that doesn’t make it much better.

The world hardly knows #3. It takes effort, humility, surrender, love, discipline, and can so rarely be evaluated on a group basis especially when skeptics are proved right when one person fails. A group can’t know another group intimately by definition and #3 is personal. I would find it much easier to wear the Christian banner loudly if this were the only type of Christian or I could name each category succinctly and we could all go in our own ways with three separate labels. But nope, we’re stuck with this messy one. Christian.

#3 is in many ways, humanly impossible, who has those qualities on their own? Which mortal can say, “Oh, I’m perfect by nature” It’s so much easier, and natural to fall into #1 or #2, which is why the world expects it, and will be all the more pleasantly and deeply surprised when they are shown otherwise, not by the group of association, but by personal genuine testimony.

Aside: I think people with claim to have no belief system or religion, have a religion, usually a humanist religion. Perhaps they have a laissez-faire social darwinism religion, let everyone be, passivity or apathy. But when it comes to good and bad, right and wrong, having no opinion is not really an option. To have no beliefs is to have no mind and soul.

Oh Halifax,
Things I don’t expect to ever see elsewhere and hope to remember.

more h-fax photos

• Accordion buskers
• Rubber boots with pink bows
• Man with guitar on shoulder buying groceries
• Plaid rubber boots
• Two normal people walking quickly on busy street, barefoot. Maybe not normal… earthy.
• Pink polka dot rubber boots.
• Oxford Theatre, an artsy old single movie house, with balcony.
• One armed guitar busker
• A homeless dude who yelled at me for spitting in a garbage can.
• Beer branded double decker tour buses.
• Homeless dudes who open the door to tim hortons for you.
• A public park with Michael Jackson dance-offs, carnivals, video game contests, and paul mccartney.
• Good bagpipe buskers
• A waterfront with very ordinary boats that somehow become a big attraction.
• A snowboard competition with trucked-in snow in a tiny downtown one block park. and hundreds of people standing around trying to stay warm enough to watch it.
• Bald drumming busker monks
• Ancient victorian houses with modern businesses inside
• Fun hurricanes.

And oh Canada…

• Andreanne Sasseville’s music minute before a movie, why do i pick her out? She’s just an advertising talking robot, but I still like her. French Canadian pleasantry goes a long way. She was the first to mention Lights to me, so props to her.
• George Strombo nobody interviews like him with legitimate edge, and legitimate mainstreamity.
• Racial acceptance. It just seemed like it never came up negatively, just like the cool cultural parts of people’s background. Haters were the weird ones (or the foreign ones). Plus, there were more asians , even in halifax… sadface. To all asians, if you move to phoenix, i’ll buy you some of those pretzel sticks that don’t taste very good. Or maybe some fishy snacks that are awful.
• Snow. Note that Ice Rain is definitely not on this list.
• Leaving your door unlocked and not freaking out about it.
• Second Cup.
• Hockey. (duh.)
• A government bureaucracy that seems like they put in effort to be helpful.
• Decent public school system.
• Colored money. – I don’t miss coins though. It is nice to never carry change.
• Cultural food. More than one Thai restaurant in the whole city, and actual sushi…. sigh. A real mediterranean restaurant would be nice.
• Political pleasantry.
• Cora’s. A breakfast place that won’t cause heart disease.
• Cheap, entertaining football.
• Winter Heart. Watching a football game while in parkas and multiple blankets, or even a sleeping bag for warmth, that’s Canadian heart.

Is Bo Peep really an appropriate name for a female? Is there a big bo peep?

Stupid name or not, she has aged extremely well. I’d like to throw out there the suggestion that nobody has aged finer in history. In 1902 and then today, (in 3D no less)

Who can resist that bonnet and sheperdess crook?

Every once in a while, I will be in bed when I am not totally in need of sleep, and yet not totally awake. These often fall on lazy days, when the sun is up and I don’t have much better to do.

Today, I had one of those days and I dreamed up a suspense movie.

From what I recall, it didn’t stray too far from a typical crime drama with some sci-fi elements intertwined because standard dimensions and reality are just boring.

I can still remember a few solid scenes from my brain movie, nearing the end.
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Act 4:
A spectator witnessing the murder of a pretty blonde. The mastermind criminal at this point is not known to them but this spectator is hiding in quiet and is waiting for the room to clear to discover the evil man’s identity. He is looking through a lensed device of some sorts and doesn’t dare look away. He is frantically trying to signal someone else in silent, using morse code and waving a little napkin. But nobody responds and suddenly things turn bleak. He spots the mastermind, and the mastermind spots him. Bam. He gets him in the eye with a silenced pistol, right through the telescope thing. All that surveillance for naught. Nobody even notices until he is dead for minutes.

Act 5:
Another scene involved a crowded room which was full of panic and fear. The evil guy was in the room, but the good guys couldn’t identify him. They just knew he was there. The main noble investigator was suddenly in the sights of the evil guy. Evil man pulls his gun for the sure kill, when out of nowhere, this crazy blade flies at him, landing in his eye socket, because that’s just the best place for blades to go. This scene is replayed and around the corner is someone who resembles this very same noble investigator. He has a bit more facial hair than the original investigator and he has these heat detecting goggles on. He sees the evil man, who is actually in a wheel chair behind a group of innocents. He pulls out some jumbo sized oblong throwing star thing and arcs it in the air like a boomerang. It hooks around and lands in the evil man’s eye. He looks over to the noble investigator and they exchange a little moment. They are the same person, and the rescuer is from the future. He tips his hat to himself and the other nods. Credits roll.
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Is noble future man gracious or selfserving? The good guy killed the bad guy, perhaps this is a very uneventful typical ending. But I like the idea of future self helping past self. It is the flip-side of the everyday idea of longterm thinking, current self helping future self. But I like reversing it, and many times I contemplate how future self would help me right now. What words of wisdom would widen our will to wictory? (sorry, i was on a woll) ((We just referred to ourself in the plural, we wants it, we needs it, we must have the …))

I also love my ending because there was no mention of time travel up to that point, and I think audiences would HATE that. Like, violently throwing food at the screen. Can you imagine a movie wrapping up with something totally outside the bounds of what you thought the movie was? haha, i just laugh I think I, the screenwriter, would be the true villain. Then, I would watch the movie in a crowded theatre with family and friends. As the plot concludes, I would stand up, and tip my hat to myself for such a dastardly maneuver.

To tip a hat can be both good or bad. I think that’s the moral of the story. I’m going to start wearing more hats.

I really like a good solid word, one that describes a lot without needing to expand or explain.
I can write something that I feel is quite full and detailed about myself, and yet only has 9 adjective words.
Can you boil yourself down into three words? Baked? Fried? Toasted?

I was
Unconventional – Wise – Careful

I am
Versatile – Ambitious – Supportive

I want to be
Disciplined – Bold – Influential

As per my outlined five greetings below, the real question on my mind, is how do you go from Oh come here! to Oh you… from *hugs* to *shun*

Aside: I did a bit of this self asking question thing I don’t like that much, but it fit into some of my points so it grew into a literary device theme. When I read this again in a few months I will probably hate it and delete them all.

1. Date and dump. This is a pretty easy way to hurt their feelings, turn friends into enemies. I haven’t really done this ever. Hooray? … yes!

2. Roadblock. Sometimes when you’re talking about something significant to one or both of you, a disagreeance or opinionated comment can really put up a roadblock. If you offend someone, or totally reject them based on a major principle, then it is extremely rare to continue to grow unless one or both parties is very gracious and flexible. Black Eyed Peas make the most atrocious music, if you are inspired by I gotta feeling, you need some grammar lessons, and I hope you don’t insert random reverent hebrew sayings in the middle of a party — or shout out DRANK and the days of the week. Take it off?… NO! (did i offend you? if so, it was intentional)
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The number of people we come across can grow to be large. In social situations, sometimes nothing becomes of it. It fizzles, it ends, it doesn’t have to be someone’s fault. Maybe you don’t find the same things funny, or you don’t understand their perspective; perhaps there are different shared interests. Sometimes you develop a good relationship with repeated communication, good times. And then you have those people where you can be totally unguarded. I’m going to categorize these by how one might initially greet them.

1. Oh, you… – There are times where I just feel unliked, or like a different species. I worry that I’m a hindrance or getting in the way — cramping their style. My presence is unwanted, and perhaps theirs is unwanted for me. Much of the time, these are petty things, being small minded, or judgmental. However, nobody says you have to befriend everyone, sometimes that initial butting of heads is something you don’t really want to put effort to overcome so that is that. Perhaps you put up with each other and form a working relationship if it is absolutely necessary, but rarely will anyone do more than the minimum.

2. Oh, hi – For me, I can usually grab a high percentage of people, and make something of it. Perhaps it isn’t much, but talking here and there even if it is uncomfortable or different. It sometimes can be interesting to hear about the differences, or topics totally unrelated. Maybe I’d like to know why Nascar is interesting to so many people. We might not be the best of friends, but if I feel like it, I probably can form some sort of friendliness if they have some warmth or openness (and I feel like it at that time). These “relationships” can easily be a one time deal, or just left to develop and reoccur based on circumstance and coincidence. I don’t think I’d call these people friends, or even acquaintances, just people you’ve met or run into occasionally.
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